God Awaken the Dawn

I don't think Mike Whang will ever truly understand the effect that his song has had on me. As the outro played and iTunes took the track back to the beginning. I was stunned. That was me, he was talking about me. It was some what comforting to know that someone else had felt the same way I had been feeling for a while. Then my stomach flipped. The embarassment, shame, pain, all flooded my emotions. What happened to the passion? The zeal that I had for God? Some where along the road it all broke down and it jus didn't matter any more, apathy had set in. I was sick of the eyes, I didn't want to live up to the standards. Even my family at this point was starting to criticize. When things got tough I wussed out, and I risked everything, I put my destiny on Satan's cutting board. It's not that I stopped loving Jesus, it's just that I was apathetic about advancing the Kingdom. In the midst of all of it, I still prayed, for my own heart and other people. But I just wasn't feeling it. It has always been hard for me to accept the love of God. But I just stopped feeling it all together. Even now after hearing testimonies and messages about knowing where you go when you die. I feel so numb to it. I look back on the things I wrote on this and I realize how far I went away from it. How much I stopped caring. My love for this school has faded away. I want to have a heart for these people. I want to love. But to love I have to first accept that I am loved. Wow. How do I do that? No need to prove my worth, God says I am worthy. He is the King of kings. What does that make His people? It means that His children, they are Kings and Queens. Wow. I didn't understand why I was writing this until now. If you read this, pray that you will feel the love of Jesus, and that you are able to accept how much He loves you.